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Ramblings - 2004

October 20, 2004
I have just awoken from yet another very peaceful slumber. I did not intend it to be a five-month respite, but it was well worth the preparation. For soon, I will arise on my dark throne and take glorious ovations from all my incoherent servants. This October 31st, I will reign again. Whoever stands in my way will be given glorious gifts from Kmart if they leave quickly and quietly. If not, I will have to bribe them with beautiful babes of the Amazon who will beat them silly before they ever have a chance to mate. Yes, I will triumph again this Halloween – wait and see, and just hope you survive.

Rest lightly, my dark and sinister servants.

April 1, 2004
I awoke this morning to shock and dismay. My fateful servants were only treating me like an ordinary, beautiful king, instead of the magestic, powerful, superior being that I am. I couldn't believe the cruel things that they did to me. Instead of bringing me treasures of gold and diamonds, they brought only silver and emeralds. Instead of presenting me with cute Playboy Bunnies, they brought Hooter rejects to my love chamber. I was so enraged, I killed them all... before I noticed they had a banquet waiting for me, with the most beautiful women and treasures any supreme monarch could imagine. I finally realized it was April 1st, and I congratulated the corpses on a great April Fool's joke. I'll try to bring them back as zombies, but hopefully they've learned their lesson about playing tricks on King Snarky.

Sleep well, my servants... whoops, I guess there aren't any left. Don't worry, I'll get more before the next rambling.

March 1, 2004
When will Spring come? Not soon, I hope. The days are getting longer and longer. There is too much sunlight and it is only going to get worse. The plants outside are growing, but the only thing growing for me is my impatience of the coming of next Fall and Winter. Why does there even have to be a Spring or Summer? Wait a second! I remember something about Spring and Summer. It is a very old tradition, not unlike those of the old world. It is the ritual of wearing less clothes and sometimes of getting them wet in the water. That Sports Illustrated magazine I bought the other day reminded me of this. But what sport those beauties were participating in, I don't have any idea. But who cares!? It was great! I love Spring and Summer! And I'm not like those silly vampires - I can go out into the sunlight whenever I want. When they meet their women at night, it's cold and the women wear a lot of clothes. Those silly fools have a lot of work to do to get under all that. Well, did I say all along that I loved Spring and Summer? You better say yes! Oh, you know that I know the Grim Reaper, don't you? That's right, we're practically related. He could help you sleep really good tonight, if you know what I mean. You wouldn't have to worry about anything tomorrow.

Thank you, my dark servants, for agreeing with your King. Now, sleep well tonight!! Hahahahahaha!!!!!

February 14, 2004
Yes, the Valentine's Day Spectacular went off without a hitch! Well, some people are probably going to get 'hitched' after seeing my romantic films that aired on BKAT. I just love to spread darkness and despair to the masses; and they love me, too. I know this because of how they hide and cower from me when I'm near. But, as always, the babes will soon flock to me. They will always do this until I die. Hey, I'm already dead! So I guess they'll keep coming to me forever. Wow, it's good to be me. And now, let me tell you all something very important - you might want to sit down for this. OK, here it goes: Snarky is the kiiiing, Snarky is the kiiiiing, Snarky is the king, nany naner naner on everyone! OOOOOOOOHHHHH YEAH!!! That was a good one! I really got you that time! You guys are too easy, especially the girls. But, that's just how I like them.

UH!!!

February 5, 2004
Uuuuuuggggghh.... what time is it? What day is it? Is it my birthday yet? Oh my gosh, I slept through Christmas and New Years!!! It must have been all that candy I ate after trick-or-treating through the whole state of Washington on Halloween night. My stomache felt like a cauldren of steaming witch's brew when a spell of sleepiness fell upon me. I drifted into a coma-like hibernation, with dreams of dancing clown chicks and all-you-can-eat buffets - better yet, clown chicks dancing ON all-you-can-eat-buffets. BEWARE - I have awoken, and now will start my dark rain of terror for this new year. I have granted Little Bob some of the magnificant powers of Snarky and he will become my evil underling for my diabolical plans to... oh, wait, I think I left one of my girlfriends in the new "placehouse" I made for her in the back yard. I wonder if she's hungry.......